I apologize for my lack of content addition these past few days, but between dealing with an infestation of mutant rats equipped with sub-par head-laser cannons (Really, Zim, you couldn’t come up with anything better than mutant rats? This is like the third time this year you’ve used them! Looks like your “superior brain meats” are severely lacking in creativity, space boy) and sorting through my bins for the necessary data I require for my large-scale post on Irken Anatomy, I’ve been rather busy. That, coupled with the fact that my glasses have unfortunately broken again (Seriously, Zim, if that’s the “mighty revenge” you were babbling about earlier, you really need to step up your game), has set back my posting schedule quite a bit, but I promise I will have the first segment of that essay up sometime relatively soon-ish. 

Furthermore, I am super excited by the large number of sincere followers this blog has accumulated in the past few days, and by the backlog of questions I have to answer from you faithful readers; due to the overwhelming positive response, I think I’ll put more priority on attempting to thoroughly answer your questions and concerns than on immediately publishing the in-progress essay on Irken Anatomy.

Hunh. This sounds vaguely threatening.

…

Neat!

Suuuuuuure, Zim. Whatever. Look, stop spamming my blog, I’m trying to use it to expose you for the alien menace that you are. 

No, I’m pretty sure you’re just regular old manic Zim. And stop bragging about your “advanced and superior Irken technology.” My dad has hover-stuff in his lab. 

Well, I guess this question has something to do with my paranormal research. Sort of. 

While I really, really, really, really would appreciate some active assistance with the whole Zim-thing, I’m not really sure if having an active partner is the best idea. You see, while I’m sure you’re a very  competent individual and perfectly capable of helping me in a variety of ways, I’m not sure if having a partner is the best idea… I sort of know this from personal experience, because this one time when I did have a “partner” (I guess we can call Mr. Dwicky this; he was the guidance counselor at my skool for awhile, for context’s sake) it didn’t really go as planned, at all, and I ended up losing an extremely crucial piece of evidence as well as my “partner” in the same evening. Having a Scully to my Mulder sounds like a great idea, in theory, because you seriously can’t find a better paranormal investigating duo than that, but, well… I don’t think having a partner would be a good thing to try again. Sorry. 

That said, if you really want to help me catch Zim, you have to tell everyone you know about him—who he really is—even if they laugh at you or call you crazy because otherwise he’ll just keep getting to try and take over our planet! (Which is bad.) Redirect them to this blog, have a conference at your skool about the impendeing alien menace, call or write to your local senator or public representative or something! Just whatever you do, let someone know that he’s out there and trying to destroy and enslave us all! 

And, well, as to the dating thing, I really don’t think I could; I mean, first of all, I don’t even know you, and, well, secondly I would hate to have to make you do something for me in order for you to get a date. I don’t think that’s how it’s supposed to work. Sorry again. 

I know they’re all you, Zim. Or at least I think that I think now that I do know now that all of these blogs are your blogs, maybe. I mean, before I thought you were making like binary zombies or something, which is kind of dumb when I think about it now… Unless this is your mind-control-zombie-binary-plan in action, which wants me to think that the idea of binary zombies is dumb so I won’t investigate it further and then end up as one of your mindless, enslaved drones! 

I’m on to you, Zim! You and your however many there are blogs run by you are going down, space boy! The internet will never be yours!

Oh. Well, thank you, Squid-On-A-Laptop. (Man, that’s cool! How do you manage to type like that? Would you mind if I took a few pictures? And then sent them to a magazine? And then maybe took a few x-rays of your brain?) Hopefully, my blog will continue to impress you in the future! That said, I plan on releasing a piece soon on my findings about Irken anatomy, so stay tuned! 

(Would you mind if I also just took a little, teeny tiny blood sample? See, Crop Circles Magazine had this cover page article on Telekinetic Cephalopods the other day…)  

Then I’d like to say that you’re a very lucky person, Whoever-You-Are. 

Wait, Zim? Seriously? Why do you have more than one account? That seems… superfluous. 

Uhm, I don’t think this question has very much to do with my paranormal research, so I probably shouldn’t answer it to keep the integrity of my blog and everything…

That said, I don’t think I’m quite old enough for marriage. Legally, anyway. Unless President Man changed the laws again. Man, was the last time that happened weird. 

Anyway, even if I was old enough for marriage, there’s no way I could possibly get married! I mean, who would save the world in my absence? Or take pictures of Zim’s creepy robot dog while it takes out the trash? Or go through that trash later after Zim’s creepy robot dog has gone back inside just to make sure there wasn’t anything evil and potentially world destroying in it?

So, I’m very sorry, Anonymous Question Asker-Person-Thingy, but I’m going to have to say, “no” for now. I have a duty to uphold, for humanity!